relationships are usually based on mutual agreement, interest, and goodwill. But how do we distinguish it from something that has little to do with love, except perhaps the symptoms? It\’s easy. Because love is a pure emotion. It is not about owning the other person, it is about caring about the other person, their interests, their needs, their safety. Do we often confuse love with any other and hurt others or ourselves?
Jealousy and its reasons
It is said that those who are jealous love. But is this really true? And is there always love behind jealousy? Sometimes jealousy is tied to one\’s ego. Rather than being afraid of losing their partner, they are afraid of being unfaithful. In fact, many people cannot get over the fact that they are not the only desirable object for their partner and the reality of being cheated on is too humiliating for them. So they would rather accept the loss than the infidelity. But that has nothing to do with love, and if that is what our relationship is about, maybe it is time to rethink it. Then there are cases where one person is genuinely afraid of losing the other, and that makes the other jealous. But if the jealousy is within the realm of hysteria, it is still not love. For we must ask ourselves why we do not want to lose the other. If the answer is that you cannot live without him, then it is addiction. In the second case, if the answer is simply because he is ours, it is an attachment. For if we truly believe that our love is predestined, there is no reason to be jealous. When we love another, we must be able to believe that he loves us equally and that our love is sufficient for him.
Willingness and Gesture
Even what we are willing to do for the other person does not necessarily mean we love him. For the excessive desire to protect him and to have his way is a desire to control his life. If we do not believe that our partner is self-sufficient and can take care of himself, then our love for him is probably not strong. To help and be helped in love is to let the other person act on his own, helping only when he asks for it or really needs it. Also, grand gestures such as gifts and self-sacrifice do not necessarily mean love. Sometimes it is simply pursuing one\’s own ego, or trying to convert the other person into one\’s own image with a gift, or trying to make it easier to control the other person by being grateful.